Personal Touch

Personal Touch

Today, we wake up to check the news report for an update on the coronavirus pandemic that has halted the world from moving as we know it.  

Louis Hoffpauir loves people.  He is helping me start men's Crew groups at Stuart Campus.

Business-as-usual has shifted to watch-and-wait.  All of us who had mastered our business skills are sitting paralyzed at home wondering how to get anything done.  The way of the world has been to show up to our job site to plan events and gatherings.  Commuting to places of businesses and lunch meetings was the daily routine.  But with social distancing becoming the recommended practice, gathering in groups is prohibited.  And, even in a small group of 10 or less, experts are strongly cautioning to keep within 3 feet from one another.  This makes interacting quite difficult.

While many were already using social media as part of their life, they are now completely dependent upon it.  People who have never created a profile are learning in record speed how to create usernames and passwords so they can log on.  Older generations are having to navigate where to find the elusive link to join a video conferencing call so they can talk to loved ones.

What Do We Do Now?

What do we do now? How do we get work done if we cannot work? 

Not knowing what to do next is frustrating.  

Once we get past the feeling of confinement and frustration, we eventually start using the greatest business tool that we possess: our mind.

Ashely Murphy brings the fun to our church family. She makes people feel loved and special!

Rather than staying stuck on the limiting question: what do we do now,

we then begin to ask the activating question: what could we do now?

what could we do now?

At Christ Fellowship, we asked this question: what could we do now? One of our leaders had long desired that our pastors and staff team could call each and every person who was part of our church family, simply to check in on them, tell them we love them and ask how we could pray for them.  He reminisced when years ago he and his wife had started attending Christ Fellowship, one of the pastors, Todd Mullins had called him during the week to personally welcome him and get him connected within the church.  My friend, Bill shared what a powerful impression that made on him, that the pastor would take time to seek him out for no other purpose than show a desire to get to know him better.  That connection kept Bill and his wife not only connected to Christ Fellowship, but committed to the mission of the church.  That was over 20 years ago.  

What if our pastors and staff could make use of this time when we are having to work from home and start calling our church family? What would it take to prepare the lists of our people and re-organize our work schedules and focus to do this? 

Verania Velazquez just joined our team at Christ Fellowship Stuart Campus.  She is a joy to work with!

Suddenly, our team began working through a large list of phone numbers, reaching out to people, making notes from the conversations. The result has been that people are elated to get a call from their pastor or church leader.  Especially with the anxiety that people are facing, they are very open to a listening ear and a caring prayer.  

Pastor Todd shared with some of our business leaders how he was re-focusing his team on these connect calls within our church.  The business leaders thought this was a brilliant idea! They said that they needed to emulate this idea by having their teams reach out personally to each of their customers and clients.  

While we can’t touch people physically, we can touch them personally.

While we can’t touch people physically, we can touch them personally.  And, while Social Media posts and videos are a great strategy to connect with people, they still lack the feeling of touch.  Video conferencing is a great tool for holding face-to-face meetings where distance is a barrier.  But even these lose the sense of community and sharing that meeting in person affords.  

Greg Gorman and his son, Josh are great friends of mine.

In this unique season where the world has stopped, what could you do to reach your audience? 

I would suggest that this is an opportune time to go old-school.  Make personal calls.  Write hand-written notes.  There is power in reaching one at a time.  Even though digital platforms allow us to reach many at once, it dilutes the level of connection that comes in reaching the one.  

Psychology of Connection

Take a moment to think about the psychology of how someone feels when they feel connected to another person.  How did that come about? What made the connection so powerful?

I think back to significant people who took the time to make a personal connection with me.  It impacted me.  I think of them as very special moments in my life.  And, I have a sense of love and appreciation for them. 

I remember when I had the opportunity on two occasions to meet Senator Rick Scott of Florida.   At the time, he was Governor Rick Scott.  The first occurrence happened when I was scheduled to play the piano and sing at a home gathering of financial donors for the Governor’s Senate race.  I was not a guest, per se; but rather, the “help.” I was to play and sing soft music in the background.  My musical set up was set off to the side of the reception area.  When the Governor arrived on the scene, he was greeted by many donors. However, he was intentional to greet every worker serving refreshments.  When he noticed me over in the corner playing the piano, he made his way to welcome me.  He took a moment to ask my name and thanked me for providing such nice music.  At the end of the event, he again came over to shake my hand and thank me for doing such a great job.

The second time I interacted with Governor Scott was at a small meeting I was invited to with two other young leaders in Martin County.  He sat down with us to hear the concerns of Martin County.  He was warm, not in a rush, and down-to-earth.  I reminded him of my first meeting at the reception.  He remembered.   A week after this meeting, I received a hand-written note from the Governor thanking me for the time together.  

Wow.  Can I tell you that I am now a BIG fan of Rick Scott? Not so much because of his politics, but because of my personal interaction with him.  He did not promise anything to me.  He did not do me any favors.  But his intentionality to reach out to me made an indelible impression.  Now, I have a positive view of him.  There are politicians that may have gifts that Rick Scott does not have.  But, their gifts do not impress me.  Rick Scott impresses me.

If you would get a list of your people, your customers, and clients and start calling them personally through this season, you will make an indelible impression.  Don’t try to do business as usual.  Don’t try to sell or market.  No one is buying right now anyway.  Simply care.  Listen.  Get to know them a bit more.  Don’t try to learn their business needs.  They will sense that you have an agenda.  Simply make your agenda as getting to know them as a person.  

I believe that the businesses and ministries that take time to reach out personally to their people will create such a sense of care and attention, that they will have earned a higher sense of trust and loyalty.  When the time comes for people to “buy” or buy-in, you will have so much business coming your way, you will have to double your staff and company! 

If you can’t touch their hand, touch their heart

Make a personal touch

Hands Off

Have you ever tried teaching a skill to someone? Ever been in charge of a project with a team and tried explaining how to do what needs done? Most people would rather just DO IT THEMSELVES.  They don’t want the aggravation of having to try to teach someone else how to do what they do.  

But teaching others what you have mastered is so valuable.  Here are just a few reasons why:

1. to accomplish big tasks, you need a big team - you can’t do it alone
2. you can go farther faster when you empower a team
3. teaching others leaves your legacy in the world

OK, so if you are still reading this article, you likely are bought in to the value of teaching others what you do, what you know.  Now, I want to teach you HOW I TEACH others.  This is my philosophy of how I equip others, how I have learned is the best way to effectively get my “students” to comprehend what I am attempting to teach them.

Hands off

I have a Hands off approach to how I teach.  I learned this years ago when I first started teaching piano.  I had taken piano lessons myself since I was 5 years old all the way through college where I earned a degree in Piano Performance.  I thought to myself “teaching piano will be a breeze - I have had piano lessons all my life!” 

I remember my first student was an 8 year old boy.  His mom would sit with us as I taught him music.  This boy was excited, respectful, and motivated to learn music.  The first few lessons, I did a lot of talking and explaining about the piano.  The next few lessons, I did a lot of playing the piano, trying to show him how to play.  Then, in the last few minutes of each lesson, I would have him sit at the piano and repeat what I had been showing him.  He struggled to play, but I just chalked it up to him being young and new to the piano.  

After 2 months of lessons, the mom met with me and told me that her son was discouraged as he was not really getting what I was teaching.  She said “Matt, I wonder if you maybe had him do more playing, he may start to embrace the piano more.”   I have to admit, my first emotion inside said “hey, lady - I have my Bachelor’s Degree in Piano Performance.  I am a professional musician.  Don’t tell me how to teach!”  But, I remained teachable to this comment.   To please the mom and keep the boy as a student, I began taking the mother’s advice and started the lesson with the boy on the piano bench.  When I taught the song, I taught it with him in the seat in front of the keys.  I would lean over him to play the song, then immediately would have him repeat.  I would let him make mistakes.  And when he would make mistakes (wrong fingers, wrong position, wrong rhythm), I would resist the urge to correct.  I found that when the boy would sit and figure it out, he would eventually self-correct.  I would only correct when he got stuck.  The more that I would be quiet and let him get his hands on the keys, the better he would learn the song.  And…when the boy would play it right for the first time, he would look over at me with the biggest smile, looking for my approval.  I would cheer and celebrate him!

A hands off approach to teaching takes longer.  It takes incredible amounts of patience, restraint on your part as the teacher. The key to making this approach work is:

The teacher must take their hands off so the student can have their hands on

As the teacher, think of yourself as a Football Coach.  The Coach is in charge of the team.  The Coach is responsible for the team to win.  However, the Coach does not actually play in the game.  The Coach stands over on the sidelines.  In Football, the Coach does not even call all of the plays.  He lets the Quarterback take that role.  Think how stressful it is to be the Coach in charge of the team and responsible to produce a win, but he can’t go out and make the winning play! But the Coach embraces this concept: for the Coach to win, the Team has to win.  The Coach must trust his players.  He must allow the players to implement the strategy.  He must trust the Quarterback to earn the respect of the team, because it is the Quarterback who must work with the team on the field.

Let’s apply this Hands Off Teaching Approach to how you work with your team, whether it be at school, at work, or at church:

Less Teaching, More Empowering

I think I have been guilty of thinking my leadership training and my Powerpoint presentation was so great that everyone in the room should now be a great team player.  There is a place for teaching, for sure.  But what I have come to realize is that my team members get it best when they have the opportunity to lead something themselves.  Empowering does not mean just throwing them in the pool like a child who has never swam before.  But it does mean letting them swim with you close by.  People develop their “swimming muscles” when they have to swim on their own.  A teacher won’t let them drown, but an empowering teacher won’t “hold them in the water” either.  They take their hands off the child so they can truly experience the feeling of having to swim on their own.  This is empowering teaching.

Less Correcting, More Coaching

Correcting is good and necessary.  But Coaching is better.  What’s the difference? To me, it’s the timing of when you give it.  My friend, Dave Simiele is great at this.  He teaches his team at Christ Fellowship church to minimize correcting conversations on Sunday service times.  When one of his team members comes to him with a problem, he says “that’s a Monday conversation.”

What he is saying is that he would prefer to evaluate processes or correct problems during the week in private where he and team can focus on solutions with margin.  Sunday services for a Pastor is like the NFL Football game.  We need to be focused on people and focused on doing our best to make the service run smoothly.  That’s good coaching!

Less Watching, More Doing

Take your hands off the project or task, and have them put their hands on it.  Back to the piano lesson story, understand that people retain much more of what they learn when they DO, not just listen or watch.  Also, when people do something, there is a dynamic of muscle memory that comes in to play.  Once my piano students would play a musical passage correctly, I would cheer for them and then immediately have them repeat it over and over.  I wanted them to feel what playing it right felt like.  I knew they likely would forget all of the notes and rhythms, but what would help them is seeing it and feeling it several times.  When you teach something, get their hands on it.  

Whether it’s getting your team to recruit volunteers, or share a story publicly, or write out a progress report, have them do it over and over.  Point out specific things they do well, and you will find they will repeat those things.  Your team wants to be successful.  This is how you help them feel successful.  They will improve as they are hands-on in doing the work themselves.  When they get it right - cheer them on!

Teaching takes patience, insight and strategy.  But it is worth taking time to teach others what you do well.  Teaching others skills that you have mastered will turn out to be the most rewarding thing you do.  Empowering others to be successful becomes your legacy that will give greater meaning to your life.

What Do You Want?

Everybody wants something.  Every one of us have desires.  We want to get somewhere in our life, we want to progress and reach the level of success that we are hoping for.

However, most of us spend a lot of time talking and interacting with others, but after the exchange we find ourselves no further along toward reaching our goal.  

I want to share something I have learned that has really helped me in my pursuits and my objectives.  In every conversation I have, In every interaction I am faced with, in every meeting I am a part of, I always prepare ahead of time by first answering this question:

What do I want?

I first take time to stop and force myself to work through these issues:

What is it I really want out of the interaction with this person?

What is a reasonable expectation to hope for out of the conversation?

What do I hope to accomplish out of this meeting?

I’m talking about making every interaction INTENTIONAL.

Most of us go in to interactions with people with our most primal desire to be heard, to be understood.  We FEEL BETTER when we have shared our heart.  If we have conflict with the other person, or if the other person has hurt us, we start from a place of emotion and prejudice of how the person makes us feel.  We are too close to the situation that we cannot see objectively beyond the hurt to see the path to progress ahead.

I see this in team meetings as well.  A lot of people share what they see, what they experience.  Others share big ideas and talk about what they used to do in their previous organization. Most share their frustrations or challenges they are dealing with.  Others who are task-oriented tend to rush the conversation by just getting the specifics of the upcoming event or task that they feel responsible for.  They want to know how many shirts to order, which songs are picked, what time to show up.

All of these feelings and all of these tendencies are not bad - at all.  They are natural, they are healthy to share and to express.  To ignore these and just cut to the chase in every interaction would be denying people the opportunity to connect and to relate in a healthy way.  By all means, there is a time and place where people should be able to share their feelings, experiences, and acquire key information.  

My point is to make sure to not miss the MOST IMPORTANT reason for the meeting - that is, to not leave the interaction with the person or leave the meeting with the team without the desired outcome.

I have learned this when I have had to meet with a difficult person about something that wasn’t going right, or was stuck.  I found myself frustrated with them.  And because I am a more outspoken person, I could easily give them a piece of my mind.  I could easily make them feel my pain in the situation.  However, this wisdom-skill of restraint, discernment and intentionality forced me to ask myself before the meeting: 

What do I want from this?

What is the favorable Outcome?

Asking this forced me to be strategic in how I directed the conversation.  To get what I wanted, I had to help them get what THEY wanted.  We call this a WIN - WIN.  

For someone that has hurt me or offended me, my reaction is to maybe hurt them back, or to be defensive and close up myself emotionally.  But when I realize what I really want is healing in the relationship and health moving forward, I go in to the conversation with tenderness, with a desire to first listen to them, and to share my feelings of what is important to me.  I surround everything I say with honor, love, affirming, believing the best about them, while clarifying the hurt or the offense, so I ensure that it won’t continue happening.

When I lead a meeting with a team, I state at the beginning what the purpose and what the desired outcome is.  I clarify the time duration of the meeting and I always start with a brief coaching on the proper mindset we all need to have as we begin sharing and discussing.  And while I allow for plenty of sharing, brainstorming and even fun, I constantly bring re-focus to the conversation.  I rarely do this in a harsh, directive way.  Rather, my style is to ask a leading question, either to the group, or to call someone out to ask their opinion.

Expectations

In all of these scenarios mentioned, one thing to define and to declare is your expectation.  And when you say it, say it clearly, and slowly.  You may need to say it a few times in the conversation, both at the beginning and then repeated towards the conclusion.  Most of the time, I also give it in writing in the meeting.  To do this, I first have had to first take time to really think “What do I want? What is truly important?” If you are realistic, and if you understand that people are a work in progress, then you reduce some of your ideas and dreams down to what is achievable and reachable for this person or this team.  In dealing with a difficult or hurtful person, you realize you may not be best buddies, but how can you understand eachother so as not to push eachother’s hot buttons.  For a team, how can you challenge them to stretch to great things, but break down the big goal in to bite-size, incremental steps.

Action Steps

Sharing Expectations clarify the focus of the mission.  Assigning action steps give legs so that the mission can get moving.  Give assignments to both you and your people as you come out of the conversation.  And then commit to a written deadline that you will personally follow up on.  This brings accountability to all parties.  When you set action steps, you give more credibility to what you have shared or advocated for by acting on what you are saying - and…to what they were advocating for.  Too many of us are all talk, but not much walk.  And we wonder why our voice is not heard.  I have learned that if I want a voice at the table, I first must BRING SOMETHING to the table.  I hate to use this analogy….but it’s kind of like going to a Poker Table in Las Vegas and sitting down asking for cards to join in on the game.  The dealer is going to stare at you and say “place your bets.” If you want to play, you have first got to pay.

Intentionality

To get where you want to go, you have do what is necessary to get there.  Resist your need to always be heard, to be understood.  Restrain yourself from trying to “win” every argument or control the conversation or meeting.  Rather, always keep focused on your intended outcome.  Only say things that help people move toward that outcome.  Intentionality uses more of positive affirming and less of negative conflict.  Intentionality paints a picture of how great the future can be when we work together, not rehearsing the hurt or the failures over and over.  Intentionality asks more questions allowing space for other people to actually figure it out for themselves, rather than spelling it all out for them.  To be intentional in your meeting, you carefully select every word and choose the right time when to speak it.  Some of the most successful meetings I have been in is when I said very little.  I let people get all of their feelings and ideas out, and then concluded with:

1. Affirming their feelngs and ideas
2. Re-focusing the conversation on the shared goal
3. Stating Expectations
4. Making Assignments
5. Asking one or two leading questions to spark their creativity on how they can accomplish those assignments to meet the expectations

In every interaction you walk in to, take time to decide what your desired outcome is.  It must be a WIN - WIN for you and the other person.  Say things that help you both move forward toward the shared goal.  

Know What You Want

Test Your Boundaries

My daughter Madison and I have such a great relationship.  One thing we do together is go on walks.  

One morning, the weather outside was unusually cool for South Florida .

(60 degrees... Yeah!) We quickly bundled up, which we rarely get to do, and started off on our journey around our neighborhood.  

Our conversation centered around reflecting on lessons learned this past year.  When I asked Madison what God had taught her, she immediately recollected one moment when she was singing in front of a lot of people at our church.  My daughter is a GIFTED singer and musician.  Madison is my pride and joy.  She sings in church a lot and does such an amazing job!  She has been my personal project since she first climbed up on to our piano bench at home at age 5.  

Madison shared with me how one song she sang in church ended big and she had practiced building up at the end by hitting a high note.  She wasn’t sure of the note with it being a bit beyond her natural vocal range, but she decided to go for it.  However, in the church worship service when she sang the high note, her voice cracked.  She quickly stopped singing and let the song end.  Madison told me how awful she felt on platform with everyone looking at her.  Most people did not notice her mess up, but that moment messed her up mentally for quite a few days after.  She had thoughts of discouragement, of feeling like she is not as good as other singers who she had heard nail that high note at the climax of the song.  She started to doubt herself.  But because Madison has a solid identity in who she is, Madison slowly got back on her feet and started singing with confidence again.

Madison said “that event was a time when God was refining me.” Wow! Awesome that she would see how God used her failure as a refinement in making her better and wiser.

Madison then asked me “Dad, how do other singers know how far their voices can go? The great singers who I admire seem to sing with such confidence and sound great every time they perform.”  I explained that those great singers know the make up and the limits of the their voice.  And the only way they know that is through much trial and error.  Great singers and great performers have experimented with their voices and with their skills so much that they have developed a confidence in how far they can go, how hard they can push themselves.  I told Madison “it was good that you went for that high note.  If you don’t step out and take the risk, you would never know the full expanse of your voice.”

This is a great challenge for you and for me in our own lives:

Test Your Boundaries

Stretch out.

Take a risk.

Be willing to experiment, to try something bold that you never thought you could do.

I’m not talking about doing something unsafe or unwise.  I’m talking about thinking bigger, believing for more.  I'm challenging you to clear your schedule, start with a clean slate and have a greater vision for your life, for your future.  And to do that, you have to be willing to remove boundaries that have always been there - excuses, obstacles, self doubt, fear of failure, fear of what people will think.  

Now to clarify - there need to be SOME boundaries in your life that you respect and keep.  Healthy relationships, commitments, honoring, self discipline, wisdom, accountability.

However, when it comes to your calling and your passion, you must blow up your usual framework of rules that “I can’t do this” or “I could never accomplish that” and test yourself.  

Here are some practical tips to begin to test your boundaries:

Say “I can” and “I will”

Change your internal voice by literally saying this out loud to yourself.  Coach yourself, encourage yourself.  Your mind is powerful, it is complex.  If you can change the voice in your head to a positive word, your heart and your body will fall in line.  It is amazing how when we first say “I can do this”  and “I will try this”, we can begin to believe it.  And you cannot step out and try something bold and daring with a negative thought of “I’m not sure I can do this.”  As Yoda said in my favorite Star Wars movie, THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK:

You Need a Coach

Get around positive people who will coach you, who will encourage you and push you.  I do.  And when you don’t have access to people, find Coaches on Youtube or online.  I will watch Pastors, Motivational Speakers, Coaches online speak to me.  I need that - it helps me get off my chair and get to work, get to trying bigger things.  You need that.  You won’t move on your own.  You are made to respond to a Pastor or a Coach to call you out and call you up.

Take a Risk TODAY

Whatever your passion, whatever your calling, do something TODAY towards fulfilling it.  Do something TODAY that stretches you.  Make a call, visit someone, send the e-mail, write a page for your book, write that song.  Get on the treadmill.  Drop down and give me 20! Do SOMETHING NOW.  If you are scared, join the club.  But don’t let the fear paralyze you.  Don’t let embarrassment stop you.  As Coach Tom Mullins says “Suck it up and get tough!!” 

Let me Coach you now.  You have more in you than you are showing… A LOT MORE in you.  You are only at 40% capacity.  But you will never reach that “high note” unless you go for it.  Take a deep breath and belt it! And if you crack, don’t sweat it.  That’s how you learn.  And don’t let that intimidate you to never try the “high note.”  Everyone has a “high note” to hit.  Everyone has a 3 point shot at the buzzer they were destined to make.  Keep testing your boundaries.  Keep experimenting.  If you fail, try again…and again…and again.  You will learn, you will get stronger, and braver.  You have the muscles, you just have not yet fully developed them.  You will go farther than you ever thought possible.  

Test Your Boundaries

On the Inside

If you are a leader, whether in a business, an organization, or even a sports team, you are always looking for high capacity people.  You need talent, you need proven experience and you need passionate, committed people to join your team.  

Yet, most talented, experienced and passionate people can be difficult to lead.  They are opinionated.  They want to go their own direction and do their own thing.  They don’t always follow well.  As a leader, you struggle with attracting high capacity people to your team and even if you get a few of them, you struggle to get them on the same page with where you know you are taking the team.

What is the secret to getting high capacity to join your team? And, once they are on your team, how do you get them on board with your program? Your strategy?

The secret is to make them feel like they are on the inside.

The key is to make them feel that they are a part of the process.  

Highly gifted people know they have a lot to offer.  Experienced people have much they have learned that they want to share.  Passionate, committed people want to jump in with both feet only to something that has real meaning and purpose to THEM.  While we, as leaders appreciate these high capacity people and tell them we desperately need them to work with us, many times we inadvertently deflate them by making them feel marginalized, like they are on the outside.  

Here’s an example:

As leaders, we will gather our team together to present an idea or strategy.  We work hard to prepare the room and will have the table set with pages of information.  We even have a presentation ready on the screen so that our communication is compelling and clear.  At the end we ask if there are any questions, and when nobody speaks up, we feel great and dismiss.  But after a week goes by and nobody is working toward the goal, we are confused and frustrated.  We ask “why is nobody working as hard on the strategy as I am? I thought I was clear in my presentation?"

The problem is not that our presentation was bad; the problem is that we missed the step of first creating buy in.  When we brought the idea finished and presented to the group, they felt like they were on the outside of the conversation.  They were being told what they were going to do rather than be asked what should be done.  Now, some on our team who are workers will love the presentation, as they just want to be told what to do and what to think.  But high capacity leaders, thinkers, creatives will be disengaged.  They will do the minimal work and will be finding ways to create something that intrigues them.  You will always be trying to get them to STOP doing what they want to do and will try to FORCE them to do what you want them to do.  All this does is discourage them and drain you.

3 ways to help your high capacity people feel on the inside:

Meet outside the meeting

Create casual moments with your gifted, your creative and your experienced.  As John Maxwell teaches, have the meeting BEFORE the meeting.  He is teaching us that you need to seek to build influence and gain understanding with your high capacity people BEFORE you present the idea to the team officially.  And the environment of when and where you create these connecting moments matters.  Sometimes, you need to get away from the board room or the office.  Get in a car and drive to coffee together.  Take a walk outside.  Have them over your house.  High level Business leaders make some of their best business deals on the golf course.  Be less formal; have more conversations than meetings.  Conversations are best when they go two ways: listening first and then sharing.  

Share the Secret

Everybody likes to feel like they know the secret.  Everybody likes to have a “heads up” of what is coming soon within the organization.  And while you cannot share everything with everyone, you make your people feel like they are on the inside of the conversation when you share information and ideas early with them.  It’s alright to let some know more information than others.  If some of your people are higher capacity than others, then they have earned the right to be brought on the inside.

Treat Volunteers Like Leaders

A common mistake that we leaders make with volunteers who serve with us is that we call them “volunteers.” When we say and when we show a clear separation between staff and volunteers, we communicate that there are levels.  Consequently, volunteers act like, well…volunteers.  Volunteers will only do the minimal because they don’t feel permission to touch anything, decide anything.  Volunteers don’t feel empowered to create, or to problem solve, or to add any value.  They simply…volunteer.  And the leader has to do all of the thinking, creating, recruiting, building and problem solving.  

I like to refer to people as “our team.” When I invite someone to serve with me, I will say “I need you to lead along with me.” Then, I start getting them involved by OJT: On the Job Training.  I lead them by asking them questions.  Asking people questions activates their minds.  They start creating solutions, they start drawing from their experiences.  I don’t solve the problem for them; rather, I share the vision with them and then attach their gifting and their calling to the vision.  It’s amazing how high capacity people will work more passionately, more committed when they see how their gifts and experience and calling have a direct impact to the shared vision.

The more your people feel like they are on the outside, the more the responsibility falls on you.

The more your people sense that they are on the inside, the greater the impact you AND your high capacity people will make TOGETHER.

Ready, Set, Go!

Ever had a dream that was burning on the inside of you? You are passionate about it - it drives you, it fuels you.  

Ready to start it? Now?  It’s exciting to start pursuing it immediately - right?   After all, we need to Carpe Diem… Seize the day!  

Having a dream and a mandate to start it is a wonderful thing.  It's healthy, exhilarating.  And to not start pursuing your dream feels frustrating.  Not to drop what you are doing now to take steps today on your dream almost feels like procrastination.  And, procrastination is a bad thing, right?

Sometimes, when thinking of how we approach our dream, we need to first take a step back.

That’s not procrastination, that’s reflection.  

Successful people understand timing and preparation.  Successful people know that in order for their dream to be realized, the first order of things is to focus on the front end of the dream-launch.  Most of us like the “GO” part of launching into the pursuit of our dream.  However, a successful launch requires a

“READY, SET, GO!"

Relay racers put A LOT of focus on the “READY ,SET, GO” in the start of their race.  They don’t just stand casually at the starting line and then suddenly start running.  They have a strict regimen of preparation hours before the start of the race.  They get their mind in the right place.  They warm up their body and stretch.  When the race is minutes from starting, they get even more focused and place their feet in the starting blocks.  Finally, with their body in the optimal launching position, they fix their eyes forward, looking down the lane they will jet into.

Now, they...      

WAIT...            QUIET...            FOCUSED...                 NO MOVEMENT...

Every muscle is ready to ignite once they hear the pop of the gun go off.  For weeks, months, they have practiced this race - they have trained and conditioned their bodies.  They have watched the tape of their previous races to look for areas of improvement.  They have studied the best runners learning better technique.  All of this forethought and preparation has led them to this moment….              

     ...to WAIT...

This is a powerful mindset for us as we consider our dream, our calling.  Our tendency is to get started, to start running.  However, your dream, your calling deserves more preparation, it deserves more training.  

Ask yourself these questions:

What are you doing today to prepare for your dream?

Tell me your weekly rhythm of conditioning, of learning, of improving?

How much time do you block each week to dedicating to your dream?

The reason that “READY, SET, GO” is an essential sequence for your dream and calling is that you want to be able to last.  You will need to endure.  It is exciting and relatively easy to start something.  Seeing it through is quite more arduous.  It’s at the 50% mark that we lose steam, where we get discouraged and quit.  But winners don’t quit.  Here is the secret to not quiting… learn, train, prepare, set your mind right, count the cost.  That is the secret to winning, not just having a strong will.

If you have a dream and a calling, great! That is a gift from God.  He put that in you, not to frustrate you, but to help you fulfill it! However, you have to do your part.  Successful people are dedicated to the preparation process. 

Winning people are patient people - they measure, they learn, and they train themselves.  

When approaching your dream and your calling, use the mindset of:

READY   …   SET   …   GO!

Working with Difficult People

We prefer to work with people that we like.  It is so much easier working together with people who are like us. They get us.  We think alike, we share the same values, we have similar personalities, maybe similar backgrounds.  Many times, we relate to people who are our same age, our same stage in life.  

However…  (a big sigh…)   

how do we work with difficult people?

We would much rather NOT work with difficult people.  We would prefer to stay as far away from them as we can.  We work around them.  Or, we battle with them.  Flight or Fight, Right??

Working with difficult people is kind of like playing ping pong with someone who isn’t very good.  I love ping pong and I play a lot, so I can hit the ball pretty hard over the net.  But when I play with someone who is still learning, it 

honestly… isn’t much fun.  I would prefer to play with someone who is a good player, because when I hit the ball hard to them, they return it with equal speed and power.  In the same way, it is much easier working with people who match our energy and our way of approaching life and work. 

Though we try to avoid working with difficult people at all costs, we all are faced with the reality that to achieve our goals at work, we must work with ALL people, including those that we see are difficult.

How to Work with Difficult People

Different, not Difficult

First, stop categorizing them as “difficult”, and understand that they are different.  Different from YOU.  The more different a person is from you, the more gap of understanding, of familiarity there is between you and them.  There is a greater gap between men and women, between younger and older, between black and white.  There is a huge gap between Republican Party and Democratic Party, (HUUUGGGGEEEE!!)  between outgoing personality and introverted personality.  We can perceive this gap as difficult because you do not have natural ways to connect.   You disagree in some areas, so you tend to disagree in ALL areas.  But re-classifying them from “Difficult” to simply “Different” will really reset your mind frame every time you see them.  Learn to value who they are, what they have been through in their journey.   Learn to appreciate their differences, to appreciate that they have a different approach to  their life and their work. 

Find Common Ground

With people that are like us, we naturally find common ground.  We like the same movies, the same political leader, we like to approach life the same way.  For me, personally, I am drawn to people who have a similar personality that I have - outgoing, ambitious, fast-paced, fun.  I naturally connect with people who are going in the same direction as I am.  People who are more introverted, more thoughtful and studied, even-paced and serious take more energy and intentionality for me to connect with.  However, I have learned that I NEED these type of people in my life.  I have learned to value them.  They help me measure the cost of my ambition.  They help me put systems in my life to be more productive.  They help me evaluate work and see a different perspective that helps me.

The key to working with people who you have no common ground with, is… to find some common ground.  When we see someone who is “opposite” of us, we think to ourselves “we have NOTHING IN COMMON.” But I would argue that we ALL have something in common.

Here’s how to find common ground:  ask people questions about their life until you find something that you have in common.

“where are you from""

“what is your favorite sports team?"

“What is your favorite restaurant?"

“where have you traveled?"

“what is your favorite tv show?"

“what touches your heart?"

Keep asking questions as you interact with them until you find something you have in common.  People love talking about themselves.  They feel valued when you ask them about their life.  When you finally discover the common ground - connect! 

“you are from Chicago??  My wife and I were married in Chicago!!"

See? now you have a connection! You can build on that connection…very quickly.  Once you find common ground with someone, you immediately create familiarity with them.  You immediately create a foundation of trust with them.  You will find they will begin to work with you.  They will begin to try to help you accomplish what you need.  It’s amazing!

The truth is you rarely get to choose who you work with.  You need people in order to be successful in your job.  Rather than avoid difficult people, see them as just different.  Value who they are and what they can bring to the table.  Be intentional to build common ground with them, and they will begin helping you accomplish your objectives at work.  

See people as an ASSETT

 not an ENEMY