How to Stay Healthy in Ministry

I love serving in our church with my wife, Kellie Pilot

If you have a passion for people, if you are drawn to help the hurting and to bless the broken, you likely have a calling on your life for ministry.  The word “minister” means “to serve.” The heart of God is to give and to serve, particularly to those who are poor, who are struggling, who are helpless.   We see God’s heart in the Bible:

Proverbs 19:2  Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.

Isaiah 1:17    Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause.

Matthew 25:35-40  For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me,  I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’  Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.

When you and I serve those in need, we touch the heart of God; we literally become the expression of God’s love.  

The challenge comes for us when we see the immense needs of people, and then realize that so many people have needs.  When you are built for ministry, the Holy Spirit of God gives you the divine ability to see opportunities to serve and to love.

I have this ability.  I see the need, and I love looking for ways to meet that need.  What I have had to learn, however, is how to manage caring for all of the people God shows me, with at the same time keeping healthy and balanced.  

I have some passionate people in our church who come tell me “I feel that God is calling me to be Pastor.” I have others who come and share with me a need with someone and then ask me “what should I do?”  The need is rarely just “they could use a few dollars” or “just say a quick prayer for them.” Usually it is intense issues with a broken marriage, drugs, homeless, no job, behind on their rent, abuse, or a combination of them all!

As I look in to the eyes of these passionate people who desire to serve others, I sense they are overwhelmed and lost.  “Pastor, what should I do?”

Let me share some thoughts that I have learned on how to effectively meet the needs of of people, yet stay healthy and balanced:

Sympathize, Don’t Empathize

Sympathy means you can relate with a person.  Empathy means you personally take on the pain of the person.  They are similar, but sympathy infers there is a separation between you and the person.  If you are built like me, you tend to feel the emotion and pain of others.  This is what draws you in to the situation, to reach farther than others, to stop everything in your life to do everything you can to help.  However, this idea of SYMPATHIZING has helped me to keep a healthy distance from the situation.  Why is this important? Because people like us who want to serve can easily get off balance with our lives.  We can get overwhelmed with many people, many needs.  To stay healthy and balanced in your own life, you need to have some boundaries in your emotions, boundaries in your life.  You can’t go deep with everyone.  I remind myself that I am not a Counselor.  One friend of mine who is a Counselor gave me great advice as to how she keeps herself separated emotionally from all of the hurts and problems of those she looks after.  She said “after I have met with the person, prayed with them and they walk out the door of my office, I imagine that their problems have walked out with them.  Otherwise, I take home the tension and weight of their problems with me, and my home can become toxic.” That is good advice! Sympathize, don’t Empathize.

Lead Them to Jesus

Say this to yourself: God is God.  I am not.  Remember that you cannot solve all of their problems.  When you hear their story and listen to their requests for money, for you time, for you to solve their problems, remember that the source of these problems is bigger than money, problems with marriage, nowhere to stay.  What they really need is a relationship with Jesus.  And they need to start doing what Jesus says to do, to get in to a church family and be a part.  That will get them in to the healthy place where their life will begin taking shape.  Remember that you are not the hero.  Jesus is.  As Christians, remember that we do not have to solve everyone’s problems and carry everyone’s burdens.  We are not good enough or strong enough.  If we try, we will find that we will be crushed by the weight of people’s needs.  

Our job is to lead them to Jesus

Our job is to show them the love and message of Jesus.  Yes, we can do things that will show His love through giving and serving.  But remember, we are partners with God to help people find Jesus! Take the pressure off of your shoulders to meet every need.  Do your part (which should be limited and appropriate), and let God do His part.

Serve Them Strategically

People will reach out to you at the most inconvenient times.  That is the nature of ministry. If we love people, we don’t see them as an interruption, but as an opportunity given by God to respond with love.  As a Pastor, my heart is that for every person that reaches out at Christ Fellowship, I aim to be the first responder.  As a Pastor, I wear many hats as I look after the church.  But I feel that my primary role is always to love and shepherd people.  Therefore, I am willing to stop anything I am doing in the moment and respond immediately to people.  I was taught the importance of responding to people immediately when they are in crisis.  50% of ministry is just showing up.

While I aim to be the first responder, I follow up with them by delegating to other capable leaders in my church.  I have worked hard to build a team around me who I have trained and who I entrust to minister to people.  I have found this formula has worked well for me, of being the first call, and then to direct the team to do follow up care.  This gives a beautiful expression to our church family that “my Pastor cares”, while also empowering other leaders to “be the Pastor.” 

Another way to serve people strategically is to leverage your weekend church service by re-directing your people with needs to attend.  Many people want time with you for counseling, for care.  I will re-direct their request by telling them that I can help them best if they will come to church services on Sunday.  That is where I have leaders and support systems to help them.  It’s amazing to me that people will sometimes make excuses as to why they can’t make it to church.  They can’t get a ride, they work, etc.  Some people expect to be helped on their terms and in their time.  As a ministry leader, you need to constrict the times you serve people for your safety and health.  You will learn the true nature of people’s needs and motives based on their response to your direction.  If they truly want your help, they will follow your direction.  If they make excuses or complain about the steps you are asking them to take, they really don’t want help.  Unfortunately, people must first experience pain and desperation in their situation before they are in a place to receive the help they need.

I stay healthy by having fun with friends and family

Never lose your passion for people.  Keep loving people the way Jesus would love people.  However, to stay healthy in ministry, you must use wisdom.  You want to be able to help many people over many years.  That only comes as you become more intentional in your approach with people that you see in need.

Discipline > Correction

 Kellie and I have GREAT KIDS.  I’m sorry to be braggadocios.  But, what can you expect.  Every parent is proud of their kids.  J

We are so proud of Madison and Michael.  They bring us much joy and love. 

Kellie and I have had people comment on how mature and well behaved our kids are.  Both Madison and Michael do well in school.  Both have already accomplished a lot early in life.  Both have healthy relationships.  Both have learned the value of discipline and hard work. 

I would like to share a philosophy with you that Kellie and I have used to raise our children:

We have focused 90 percent of our energy on loving, accepting, and encouraging our kids, and 10 percent on punishment, scolding, and threatening.  Okay…may 70/30  JJ Our children have simply responded better to the positive more than to the negative.

The reason I share this is because I have encountered parents yelling at their kids or threatening them.  I hear parents tell me that they have had to punish their kids, or take things away from them.  I hear of special schools they send them to, or summer camps – all to keep their kids “out of trouble.” I’m just not sure that’s the best way.

I believe there is a difference between discipline and correction.  Though they have similarities, I see a distinction.

 Discipline is defined as training to obey rules.  The Latin Word trellis means rule.  A trellis is commonly used in landscaping when you want a plant to grow a certain way or in to a particular shape.  To grow the plant, you “train” the limbs of the plant around the trellis.  The trellis, or “rule” will help guide the plant to grow and flourish the way it is intended.

In my view, Discipline is a positive thing.  It is empowering, it is liberating! Discipline is a powerful tool that helps train children to follow rules – rules which protect, which bring focus, which enable achievement faster than living without rules. 

Discipline happens best as proactive.  Discipline works effectively with encouragement and positive reinforcement. 

Correction, on the other hand is always reactive.  Correction takes place when a mistake was made.  Correction is necessary when a child breaks the rules or resists the rules.  Correction must be communicated directly and clearly.  Correction feels negative to the child.

Let me stop and clarify:  Correction is necessary and appropriate.  I am NOT advocating all positive, love and encouragement.  We have certainly had moments of correction and punishment with our children.

My point is:

Discipline is more effective than Correction. 

Discipline > Correction

Let me encourage you to consider how you are using discipline as a positive reinforcement with lots of love and encouragement to train your child.  I have learned that being proactive with teaching discipline is much more effective than waiting to be reactive with lots of correction.  And, when you must correct your children, surround it with love, acceptance and encouragement.

Your Kids will rise to a new level – they love you and want to please you!