Con-fron-ta-tion.......Run away!!

Con-fron-ta-tion
noun
1. a hostile or argumentative meeting or situation between two opposing parties.

Confrontation.  yuck! what a bad word :) confrontation is awful, and is to be avoided at all costs! right?

Wrong! (I’m confronting you on this subject right now!) :)

I have learned to embrace conflict and not run from it.  The only mature way to deal with conflict is with that word: confrontation.  I have seen how when I handle conflict with confidence, clarity of purpose, and pure motive, it leads to resolution.  

See my chart below on what I believe is a healthy view of Confrontation:

Notice that all of the components in this model are positive and yet truthful.  It is based around key words like:

truth

understanding

clarity

mission

Now, look at my chart below on what happens too often in teams, families, and in relationships:

Notice some key words:

barriers

scared

wait

paralyze

pressure

aggravate

disfunction

fall out

I challenge you to embrace confrontation - it is a healthy part of building great relationships.  For a team, it is vital to reaching a level of effectiveness.  Great teams build trust, work hard and play hard together, and communicate openly and honestly.  When there is confrontation, the leader sets the tone for the conversation and reminds the team of the mission.

When preparing to confront, here are some tips to prepare:

1. Pray about it first before confronting, asking for God’s help.  Ask God to first prepare your heart.  Then, pray for the person or team that you need to confront
2. Clarify what the issue is.  What is truly important vs. what are just feelings or preference.  What is the ONE THING you want to relay?
3. Get specific.  Have examples ready.  It’s only fair to discuss an issue if you have prepared with facts to back it up.
4. Listen and be receptive.  Stephen Covey says “seek to understand first before trying to be understood.” This displays patience, maturity and genuine care for the other person.
5. Bring solutions.  Be a part of fixing the issue, not just bringing problems to the table.
6. Offer to help.  Commit to personally contributing.  Voice your loyalty and declare your commitment to the mission.  Communicate that you value the person and that you believe in them.  

So, buck up! Get courageous and confront!  :)

Chutes and Ladders

January 1st, and .... the Pilot family has proudly taken down the Christmas Decorations! 

Don't get me wrong - we LOVE Christmas and all of the decorations.  But we love getting everything put away and having the house straightened up.  It gives us a sense of starting the new year fresh and ready.

My wife and I have an agreement - a clear wall of separation on who does what at "teardown." She does the inside, I do the outside.  (although I end up helping with some of the heavy stuff on the inside. :)

So, it's my job to get the extension ladder and take down the Christmas lights.  Also, I put all of the packed up decorations back in the attic in the garage.  

My only problem is: I tend to be scared of heights.  I hate the feeling of being at the top of the ladder, because I never feel like I have a solid footing.  The ladder could slip! It's really hard climbing up and down from the roof, because there is nothing really to hold on to - those roof tiles are loose!

So, I break our rule and yell for Kellie to come hold the ladder while I reach to the top lights.  It gives me a sense of security knowing that she is holding the ladder and watching me.  

This made me think how thankful I am that I have Jesus Christ "holding the ladder" for me in my life journey.  He has always been there to make me feel secure:

Isaiah 33:6 NIV

He will be the sure foundation for your times,

    a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge;

    the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure.

As I was at the top of that wobbly ladder, the thought crossed my mind:

How do people go through the tough times in life without Jesus as their foundation? How do people take a step into uncharted territories without the assurance that Jesus is with them?

Jesus shared a story to His followers about people who have the foundation of God and those that do not:

Matthew 7:24-27 NIV

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

Jesus knows that you are not strong enough go through life on your own.  You are not wise enough to know how to handle the storms of life with you being in charge.  Jesus wants to lead you and help you.  It’s in the tough times that He will show You His strength.  It’s in the lonely times that He will show You that He will never leave You.  It’s when you have failed that He will show His lovingkindness. 

Don’t resist the leadership of Jesus Christ in your life.  Declare Him Your Lord and Saviour and let Him hold you secure through this year.  When you do, you can face the challenges and uncertainty with great confidence – Jesus is holding the ladder.

Unveiling

I am studying the book of Revelation from the Bible.  It is a dynamic, action-filled book! It is known for it's prophecy of the end times.  The title, "Revelation" means "unveiling".  In this great book, we begin to see God's plan unfold for mankind.  We see epic battles and we witness the majestic reign of God as the Victor over satan forever.

However, the main theme of Revelation is not prophecy - it is about the "unveiling" of Jesus Christ.  In fact, the entire Bible points to the promise of Jesus - the Messiah, the Christ (meaning Anointed One.) He is the Lamb of God, the Word become flesh, the Image of the Invisible God.  In Revelation, we see Jesus as the Reigning King.  He is the Great I AM - the One Who Was, Who Is, and Who Is to come.  The end of times points to Jesus as God.  

If you have never read the book of Revelation, you will be surprised to find that it begins with Jesus speaking to His church.  

Before the "unveiling" story is told, Jesus has important messages for seven churches.  The fact that these messages come first in the book suggests priority of order.  The fact that Jesus, Himself gives the messages to the writer shouts an emphatic intensity.

In Revelation, chapter 3, Jesus addresses the Church of Laodicea:

These things says the Amen, the Faithful and True Witness, the Beginning of the creation of God: "I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot.  I could wish you were cold or hot.  So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.  Because you say, 'I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing'-and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind and naked-I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see.  As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten.  Therefore be zealous and repent.

Jesus is "frustrated" with His church because they are lukewarm.  He explains that it is "because they were wealthy and have need of nothing."  Sometimes, having everything perfect and tidy in our lives causes problems for us spiritually.  God wants to provide for us.  He wants to prove Himself and will answer our prayers in the way we would hope.  However, if we base our spiritual thermometer on whether or not God has answered every prayer the way we think He should, then we miss the bigger picture.  

Most of the time,

it is when we find ourselves in need that we seek God the most.

  

God knows that only He can fill our longing …  with Himself.  That may be why He doesn't always give us what we THINK we need.  He gives us what we TRULY need - more of Him.  God is MORE THAN ENOUGH! 

I am learning that my greatest need is not my concern for today (money, security, etc.).  My greatest need is Jesus - more of Jesus, less of me.  More of His character, less of my will.  More surrender and abandonment of the things of the world, more embracing my Savior and the riches of His love.  

As I journey through this life, I want to learn how to let go of the things I think I need, so I can more fully embrace the power, the glory and the revelation of who Jesus truly IS!

The Fear of Rejection

Oh, the fear of rejection.  Anybody hate the fear of being rejected? I know that most people fear speaking in public  - not me.  My fear is being rejected.  I guess part of the fear of public speaking stems from the fear of rejection (that trick of imagining everyone out in the audience being in their underwear never worked for me anyway.)

I hate the feeling of being rejected.  Rejected for a job.  Rejected for a loan.  Rejected by friends.  Being rejected is worse than homework.  It hurts more than a deep cut.  The thought of being rejected has paralyzed me from moving forward.

The fear of rejection ALMOST kept me from developing a relationship with my wife, Kellie.  :)     Our story is beautiful and I cherish it.

We met in college at a party.  I noticed her immediately.  Not sure if she noticed me.  I had seen her before on campus.  She had a cool vintage Camaro.  She had pretty blonde hair.  She was hot! (still is.)

 

This was the actual party where we first met.  In this pic, I had NOT YET even talked to her 

I was trying to find a way to go over and talk to her at the party that night.  I would walk by close to where she and her friends were sitting, but ….. I had nothing - came up empty.  So, I would go back and sit down with my group.  By the end of the night, I was just about to give up, when… God did a miracle !  Kellie evidently needed a ride back to the college campus.  Her Camaro was not running, and her friend that drove that night wanted to stay longer at the party.  Kellie was desperate to find someone who could take her back.  She actually came up and asked if she could catch a ride with us.  I was driving that night and happily agreed :) (THANK YOU, MOM & DAD for giving me a car for college!) Once we were all in the car, I kept the conversation going.  I drove VERY CAREFULLY! I enjoyed EVERY SECOND of that car ride home with this beautiful girl.  

We quickly became friends and were hanging out together along with a big group of friends.  We had so much fun.  It was new, fresh, and exciting.  I was falling in love.  Finally, we had spent enough time together that she felt comfortable being alone with me.  We went out to eat, and then later went to a park at night near the college.  It was very romantic - just like the movies.  I felt that both of us were feeling something more for each other.  The mood was right.  The moon was full.  It was just as if we were two actors in a romantic movie - and my line was up to deliver - "Kellie, you are very special to me."  "Kellie, I want to express my feelings for you - I like you." …. whatever I should have said …. I didn't. :(  I was scared.

Poor Kellie, she was waiting.  She was patient.  She was making herself available to listen.  Finally, Kellie broke the ice and took the initiative.  "Matt, I want you to know that I really like you.  I am willing to start a relationship with you.  The ball is in your court if you want that."  

….   ….. that's ALL I needed to hear.  I gushed out my true feelings for her.  I shared my enthusiasm for how excited I was that she felt that way, because I felt that way.  Immediately I grabbed her hand, gave her a kiss, and the rest is history.  

That's a beautiful, meaningful story to me.  However, I kind of wish I could have told you a DIFFERENT version of the story.  One that has me taking a risk to share my true feelings to a beautiful girl.  It was the fear of being rejected; of feeling stupid; worse, being hurt.  

I have since learned to overcome the fear of rejection.  I have been able to stand up, hold on, and when necessary, share my feelings.  I have been able to take a stand when I knew that I am going against the tide.  I have been able to disagree when I knew it meant that it would make a relationship awkward.

It's not that rejection hurts any less - its still hurts.  It still stings.  But it feels good to know that I stood up for what I believed was true.  I was true to myself.

Don't let fear of rejection paralyze you.  Don't let fear of ANYTHING hold you back from taking risk, from moving forward in your life.

Let me leave you with this thought:

You are ACCEPTED by God.  

God has not rejected you.  He has initiated contact with you.  He is patiently waiting for you to respond to His gift of love. 

Colossians 1:19

For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

 Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior.  But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation—if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel.

In this life, you will experience rejection.  But, the ONE person that will never reject you is God.  He accepts you AS YOU ARE, BEFORE you are fixed or put back together.  

Understand this VERY IMPORTANT POINT: 

God accepts you as you accept His Son, Jesus as your Lord and Savior.  

Jesus died on a cross for your sin and your shame.  We ALL have sinned (Romans 3:23), so Jesus Christ took our place of condemnation (2 Corinthians 5:21). 

Jesus was rejected so that we could be accepted.

God is reaching out to you through His Son, Jesus Christ.

Will you accept Him?

http://youtu.be/hNousF-YMHo

If so, pray this simple prayer:

Lord Jesus, thank you for loving me.  Thank you for accepting me, just like I am.  I am broken and messed up.  I have been living for myself - drifting aimlessly through life.  I have trusted in myself.  

Now, I put my trust in You, Jesus.  Save me.  Deliver me from my sin and my issues.  I surrender my life to Your will and Your leadership.  I invite you into my life, to change me, speak to me, cleanse me.  Make me a new person.  Jesus, You are truly the Son of the Living God.  I put my faith solely in what you did 2000 years ago - You died for my sins.  Now, You live victorious over death, sin and hell.  Now, live in me and work Your beautiful plan in my life.

In Jesus' Name I pray, 

Amen.