Test Your Boundaries

My daughter Madison and I have such a great relationship.  One thing we do together is go on walks.  

One morning, the weather outside was unusually cool for South Florida .

(60 degrees... Yeah!) We quickly bundled up, which we rarely get to do, and started off on our journey around our neighborhood.  

Our conversation centered around reflecting on lessons learned this past year.  When I asked Madison what God had taught her, she immediately recollected one moment when she was singing in front of a lot of people at our church.  My daughter is a GIFTED singer and musician.  Madison is my pride and joy.  She sings in church a lot and does such an amazing job!  She has been my personal project since she first climbed up on to our piano bench at home at age 5.  

Madison shared with me how one song she sang in church ended big and she had practiced building up at the end by hitting a high note.  She wasn’t sure of the note with it being a bit beyond her natural vocal range, but she decided to go for it.  However, in the church worship service when she sang the high note, her voice cracked.  She quickly stopped singing and let the song end.  Madison told me how awful she felt on platform with everyone looking at her.  Most people did not notice her mess up, but that moment messed her up mentally for quite a few days after.  She had thoughts of discouragement, of feeling like she is not as good as other singers who she had heard nail that high note at the climax of the song.  She started to doubt herself.  But because Madison has a solid identity in who she is, Madison slowly got back on her feet and started singing with confidence again.

Madison said “that event was a time when God was refining me.” Wow! Awesome that she would see how God used her failure as a refinement in making her better and wiser.

Madison then asked me “Dad, how do other singers know how far their voices can go? The great singers who I admire seem to sing with such confidence and sound great every time they perform.”  I explained that those great singers know the make up and the limits of the their voice.  And the only way they know that is through much trial and error.  Great singers and great performers have experimented with their voices and with their skills so much that they have developed a confidence in how far they can go, how hard they can push themselves.  I told Madison “it was good that you went for that high note.  If you don’t step out and take the risk, you would never know the full expanse of your voice.”

This is a great challenge for you and for me in our own lives:

Test Your Boundaries

Stretch out.

Take a risk.

Be willing to experiment, to try something bold that you never thought you could do.

I’m not talking about doing something unsafe or unwise.  I’m talking about thinking bigger, believing for more.  I'm challenging you to clear your schedule, start with a clean slate and have a greater vision for your life, for your future.  And to do that, you have to be willing to remove boundaries that have always been there - excuses, obstacles, self doubt, fear of failure, fear of what people will think.  

Now to clarify - there need to be SOME boundaries in your life that you respect and keep.  Healthy relationships, commitments, honoring, self discipline, wisdom, accountability.

However, when it comes to your calling and your passion, you must blow up your usual framework of rules that “I can’t do this” or “I could never accomplish that” and test yourself.  

Here are some practical tips to begin to test your boundaries:

Say “I can” and “I will”

Change your internal voice by literally saying this out loud to yourself.  Coach yourself, encourage yourself.  Your mind is powerful, it is complex.  If you can change the voice in your head to a positive word, your heart and your body will fall in line.  It is amazing how when we first say “I can do this”  and “I will try this”, we can begin to believe it.  And you cannot step out and try something bold and daring with a negative thought of “I’m not sure I can do this.”  As Yoda said in my favorite Star Wars movie, THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK:

You Need a Coach

Get around positive people who will coach you, who will encourage you and push you.  I do.  And when you don’t have access to people, find Coaches on Youtube or online.  I will watch Pastors, Motivational Speakers, Coaches online speak to me.  I need that - it helps me get off my chair and get to work, get to trying bigger things.  You need that.  You won’t move on your own.  You are made to respond to a Pastor or a Coach to call you out and call you up.

Take a Risk TODAY

Whatever your passion, whatever your calling, do something TODAY towards fulfilling it.  Do something TODAY that stretches you.  Make a call, visit someone, send the e-mail, write a page for your book, write that song.  Get on the treadmill.  Drop down and give me 20! Do SOMETHING NOW.  If you are scared, join the club.  But don’t let the fear paralyze you.  Don’t let embarrassment stop you.  As Coach Tom Mullins says “Suck it up and get tough!!” 

Let me Coach you now.  You have more in you than you are showing… A LOT MORE in you.  You are only at 40% capacity.  But you will never reach that “high note” unless you go for it.  Take a deep breath and belt it! And if you crack, don’t sweat it.  That’s how you learn.  And don’t let that intimidate you to never try the “high note.”  Everyone has a “high note” to hit.  Everyone has a 3 point shot at the buzzer they were destined to make.  Keep testing your boundaries.  Keep experimenting.  If you fail, try again…and again…and again.  You will learn, you will get stronger, and braver.  You have the muscles, you just have not yet fully developed them.  You will go farther than you ever thought possible.  

Test Your Boundaries

If you desire to lead, you MUST HAVE this

I love people who step out to lead.  Nothing ever happens good without good leadership.  This is true in a business and it is true in our church.  

Most of us can describe what a great leader does, what they look like: bold, strong, outspoken, courageous.  They are action oriented.  They are willing to take risks.  Leaders share the vision and lead others to accomplish the vision.  Leaders delegate responsibility - they are “large and in charge.”

However, there is one essential ingredient that a leader must have...one that you might not think of immediately.  If he does not embody this critical characteristic at his very core, it does not matter how bold, how brave, how articulate he is.  If he does not carry this vital piece in how he leads, he will soon lose his privilege to lead.  What could be so important? What could be so detrimental?

every leader must have:

Humility

I love this verse in the book of James:

James 4:10

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Humble yourself.  

The author of this Biblical passage shows the path to leadership.  It’s a formula - a holy equation.  If you willingly humble yourself, God will lift you up.  God WANTS to use you.  He WANTS you to step up and lead, to fulfill your divine calling.  But it starts with taking the first important step of humility.  

You see, humility has to happen IN you.  Others cannot make you have humility.  It is a mindset you must embrace.  My mom used to teach me growing up: "better to humble yourself than to have God do it for you.”  Great wisdom.  

Humility is often misunderstood.  Some of us try to display humility by always putting themselves down.  But that’s not humility.  

A great definition I have heard on Humility is:

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself.  It is thinking about yourself less.”

Here are some practical aspects of what it means to be a humble leader:

Humility begins with:

Listening before talking

If you are a passionate person, you will naturally want to share your vision and your passion with others.  But humility listens first to those around you.  When you actively listen to others using your eyes, your body language, and showing that you are not in a rush to move on, you communicate that you are interested in them.  People will feel valued by you.  You show them that what they think and feel is important to you.  When people feel respected by you, they will consider what you have to say.

Serving before leading

You may have leadership skills; you may already have a vision and a strategy that you are ready to implement.  But a humility mindset understands that in order to earn the right to lead, you must always start by serving.  Leadership is not a “top down” structure.  Jesus taught an “upside down” structure.  The Leader should serve and support his team.  In my leadership at Christ Fellowship, I have learned that even if I am the Campus Pastor who has oversight over the entire Campus, I still find opportunities to put myself in SERVING ROLES under some of my leaders.  Many times, I will let my leaders lead our teams and I simply join the team and start helping.  Humility dictates that sometimes I will FOLLOW, not always LEAD.  In fact, when you serve others and follow a leader, you actually are MODELING how to FOLLOW! This is powerful.  

Another way I model serving and following is how I serve and follow Pastor Todd and Pastor Julie Mullins, our Lead Pastors at Christ Fellowship.  I love them.  But I don’t just love them - I honor them by following them and serving them.  I have had people tell me how amazed they are with the  healthy team culture they experience at Christ Fellowship.  They share how they have dealt with hurtful church splits or people politics, and then they ask how Christ Fellowship as stayed united.  I tell them that our Lead Pastors have always modeled humility, unity, and they focus our team on our mission.  Everything starts with leadership at the top.  Our Pastors, our leaders and our people take their cues in what they see Pastor Todd and Pastor Julie do, and the result is humility, unity and focus on our mission:

to Impact our World with the love and message of Jesus: Everyone, Everyday, Everywhere.  

Learning before teaching

Leaders have a lot to say.  And when a leader is working with his team, he often knows what he wants to teach his team.  It is important to invest  in your people.  But, as a leader, you will be limited to what you can teach, if you are not learning yourself continually.  

Leaders are Learners. Pastor Todd taught me “Leaders are Readers.” When I started 8 years ago under Pastor Todd as a new Campus Pastor, I quickly embraced his wisdom.  I had not been much of a reader, but soon realized that I needed to grow in my skills and in gaining insight.  What I learned as I began to read was that I would have something fresh that I could then use to help my team.

It takes incredible humility to be willing to learn from people different than you, younger than you, or maybe even UNDER your leadership, and asking them questions.  Leaders often want to give off a confidence that they know what they are doing.  And while confidence is important, showing a willingness to learn takes courage.  Your team will respect you for your authenticity to grow.  Again, you are modeling what you want your people to embrace.

If you feel called to a great vision, if you are ready to step up and start leading, first embrace this foundational character trait of Humility.

Humility is the door that opens the path to promotion

On the Inside

If you are a leader, whether in a business, an organization, or even a sports team, you are always looking for high capacity people.  You need talent, you need proven experience and you need passionate, committed people to join your team.  

Yet, most talented, experienced and passionate people can be difficult to lead.  They are opinionated.  They want to go their own direction and do their own thing.  They don’t always follow well.  As a leader, you struggle with attracting high capacity people to your team and even if you get a few of them, you struggle to get them on the same page with where you know you are taking the team.

What is the secret to getting high capacity to join your team? And, once they are on your team, how do you get them on board with your program? Your strategy?

The secret is to make them feel like they are on the inside.

The key is to make them feel that they are a part of the process.  

Highly gifted people know they have a lot to offer.  Experienced people have much they have learned that they want to share.  Passionate, committed people want to jump in with both feet only to something that has real meaning and purpose to THEM.  While we, as leaders appreciate these high capacity people and tell them we desperately need them to work with us, many times we inadvertently deflate them by making them feel marginalized, like they are on the outside.  

Here’s an example:

As leaders, we will gather our team together to present an idea or strategy.  We work hard to prepare the room and will have the table set with pages of information.  We even have a presentation ready on the screen so that our communication is compelling and clear.  At the end we ask if there are any questions, and when nobody speaks up, we feel great and dismiss.  But after a week goes by and nobody is working toward the goal, we are confused and frustrated.  We ask “why is nobody working as hard on the strategy as I am? I thought I was clear in my presentation?"

The problem is not that our presentation was bad; the problem is that we missed the step of first creating buy in.  When we brought the idea finished and presented to the group, they felt like they were on the outside of the conversation.  They were being told what they were going to do rather than be asked what should be done.  Now, some on our team who are workers will love the presentation, as they just want to be told what to do and what to think.  But high capacity leaders, thinkers, creatives will be disengaged.  They will do the minimal work and will be finding ways to create something that intrigues them.  You will always be trying to get them to STOP doing what they want to do and will try to FORCE them to do what you want them to do.  All this does is discourage them and drain you.

3 ways to help your high capacity people feel on the inside:

Meet outside the meeting

Create casual moments with your gifted, your creative and your experienced.  As John Maxwell teaches, have the meeting BEFORE the meeting.  He is teaching us that you need to seek to build influence and gain understanding with your high capacity people BEFORE you present the idea to the team officially.  And the environment of when and where you create these connecting moments matters.  Sometimes, you need to get away from the board room or the office.  Get in a car and drive to coffee together.  Take a walk outside.  Have them over your house.  High level Business leaders make some of their best business deals on the golf course.  Be less formal; have more conversations than meetings.  Conversations are best when they go two ways: listening first and then sharing.  

Share the Secret

Everybody likes to feel like they know the secret.  Everybody likes to have a “heads up” of what is coming soon within the organization.  And while you cannot share everything with everyone, you make your people feel like they are on the inside of the conversation when you share information and ideas early with them.  It’s alright to let some know more information than others.  If some of your people are higher capacity than others, then they have earned the right to be brought on the inside.

Treat Volunteers Like Leaders

A common mistake that we leaders make with volunteers who serve with us is that we call them “volunteers.” When we say and when we show a clear separation between staff and volunteers, we communicate that there are levels.  Consequently, volunteers act like, well…volunteers.  Volunteers will only do the minimal because they don’t feel permission to touch anything, decide anything.  Volunteers don’t feel empowered to create, or to problem solve, or to add any value.  They simply…volunteer.  And the leader has to do all of the thinking, creating, recruiting, building and problem solving.  

I like to refer to people as “our team.” When I invite someone to serve with me, I will say “I need you to lead along with me.” Then, I start getting them involved by OJT: On the Job Training.  I lead them by asking them questions.  Asking people questions activates their minds.  They start creating solutions, they start drawing from their experiences.  I don’t solve the problem for them; rather, I share the vision with them and then attach their gifting and their calling to the vision.  It’s amazing how high capacity people will work more passionately, more committed when they see how their gifts and experience and calling have a direct impact to the shared vision.

The more your people feel like they are on the outside, the more the responsibility falls on you.

The more your people sense that they are on the inside, the greater the impact you AND your high capacity people will make TOGETHER.

Ready, Set, Go!

Ever had a dream that was burning on the inside of you? You are passionate about it - it drives you, it fuels you.  

Ready to start it? Now?  It’s exciting to start pursuing it immediately - right?   After all, we need to Carpe Diem… Seize the day!  

Having a dream and a mandate to start it is a wonderful thing.  It's healthy, exhilarating.  And to not start pursuing your dream feels frustrating.  Not to drop what you are doing now to take steps today on your dream almost feels like procrastination.  And, procrastination is a bad thing, right?

Sometimes, when thinking of how we approach our dream, we need to first take a step back.

That’s not procrastination, that’s reflection.  

Successful people understand timing and preparation.  Successful people know that in order for their dream to be realized, the first order of things is to focus on the front end of the dream-launch.  Most of us like the “GO” part of launching into the pursuit of our dream.  However, a successful launch requires a

“READY, SET, GO!"

Relay racers put A LOT of focus on the “READY ,SET, GO” in the start of their race.  They don’t just stand casually at the starting line and then suddenly start running.  They have a strict regimen of preparation hours before the start of the race.  They get their mind in the right place.  They warm up their body and stretch.  When the race is minutes from starting, they get even more focused and place their feet in the starting blocks.  Finally, with their body in the optimal launching position, they fix their eyes forward, looking down the lane they will jet into.

Now, they...      

WAIT...            QUIET...            FOCUSED...                 NO MOVEMENT...

Every muscle is ready to ignite once they hear the pop of the gun go off.  For weeks, months, they have practiced this race - they have trained and conditioned their bodies.  They have watched the tape of their previous races to look for areas of improvement.  They have studied the best runners learning better technique.  All of this forethought and preparation has led them to this moment….              

     ...to WAIT...

This is a powerful mindset for us as we consider our dream, our calling.  Our tendency is to get started, to start running.  However, your dream, your calling deserves more preparation, it deserves more training.  

Ask yourself these questions:

What are you doing today to prepare for your dream?

Tell me your weekly rhythm of conditioning, of learning, of improving?

How much time do you block each week to dedicating to your dream?

The reason that “READY, SET, GO” is an essential sequence for your dream and calling is that you want to be able to last.  You will need to endure.  It is exciting and relatively easy to start something.  Seeing it through is quite more arduous.  It’s at the 50% mark that we lose steam, where we get discouraged and quit.  But winners don’t quit.  Here is the secret to not quiting… learn, train, prepare, set your mind right, count the cost.  That is the secret to winning, not just having a strong will.

If you have a dream and a calling, great! That is a gift from God.  He put that in you, not to frustrate you, but to help you fulfill it! However, you have to do your part.  Successful people are dedicated to the preparation process. 

Winning people are patient people - they measure, they learn, and they train themselves.  

When approaching your dream and your calling, use the mindset of:

READY   …   SET   …   GO!

Pressure

Performance creates pressure

Preparation takes hard work

Sharpening takes intentional practice

Improving takes conditioning

Athletes are familiar with these terms.  They are passionate about their sport, and they play to win.  Athletes don't play casually.  They want to taste victory - they want to win the championship!

Why is it that in our work place many times we show up casually, going through a check list of work that needs to be done, hoping that lunch time will come quickly? Why is it that when we feel pressure to perform, we respond with excuses or complaining that the demands being put on us are too much, they are unfair? When we run in to obstacles, or when the goals seem un-reachable, do we just throw our hands up in the air and give up easily?

I know your work place has it’s share of frustrations.  I know that there are parts of your job that you are not too excited about.  And when the boss brings goals that you must hit, you immediately feel pressure to perform.  In your mind, the last thing you need is more PRESSURE.

On the contrary, I want to challenge your thinking and tell you that PRESSURE is exactly what you need.  Pressure to perform, pressure to do what it takes to win, to hit your goals.  

You see, athletes USE pressure to push them.  Athletes understand that pressure is a necessary part of helping them to achieve their goal.  An athlete will push through the training, will learn new skills, will feel uncomfortable in order to perform effectively on the field.  An athlete will accept their coach shouting at them and confronting them to get better, to correct mistakes, and to not give up.

  

Certainly, there can be too much pressure…for sure… particularly if the pressure comes from negative thinking like self doubt and judgement.  Certainly, you need to self evaluate to see if you have rested well, if you have filled up in healthy ways through great relationships, through getting encouragement, through just having fun and play.  

But most of us see any pressure that comes at work as negative, as attacking us personally.  Rather…think like an athlete.  See your work as your mission, as the place where you can accomplish great things.  When the pressure comes, use it to make you better.  Respond to it by evaluating, planning, preparing, and then work hard! As my kids would say “kill it!"

Remember, It’s not about perfection, it’s about progress.  

It’s not about comparison, it’s about personal improvement.

Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t reach as high as someone else.  But, on the other hand, don’t give yourself a pass when the pressure comes to perform.

At the beginning of your work week, get your mind in the right place.  Prepare yourself mentally that you are going to start each day by:

1. evaluating your past performance
2. plan to work on the right tasks that will yield the most success
3. prepare by sharpening your skills
4. start working really hard toward hitting you goals - now! not later, not after you read through e-mails or talking to your co-worker

Push yourself.       Lean in.            Focus.  

Do your reps.        Get better.       Get faster.  

Work like an athlete.  Use the pressure to perform better! You will “kill it!!"

Never Apologize

I have had a few creative ideas that I became  excited about.  For a couple of weeks, I tinkered with these ideas and started gaining momentum as I worked on them.  But a thought entered my mind that squelched my momentum.  “what if my idea is stupid?” Then another thought followed… “what if someone has already thought of this?”   These led to more thoughts, which led me to start searching through the internet and comparing my idea with what other people had done.  I started doubting myself, that what I had to offer was not important, that my idea would not be relevant.  This caused me to stop dead in my tracks.  For the past several weeks, my ideas have been sitting on the dusty shelf, hopeless and forgotten.  

This week, as I had a day to slow down and reflect, another thought suddenly entered my mind….  a thought very different than the previous thoughts of self doubt and comparison.  The thought was from God speaking to me.  God said to me in a still, small voice in my head:

“don’t give up on your idea. It’s your idea."

Then, God started to encourage me:

"You are unique, and your life experience is unique.  Don’t worry about what others have created or accomplished.  Right now, don’t worry about whether your idea will be successful.  Don’t judge your idea based on if people will get it or accept it.  Most great ideas at first are not understood or accepted.  You have something to offer.  There is someone who will appreciate your idea, someone who will benefit from your knowledge.  Be willing to put yourself out there - take a risk.

Stand out. Be different.  

I, your Heavenly Father made you unique to be creative.  Don’t worry about the results, just be true to yourself.  Live boldly the way I designed you to live. Live freely trusting me with the results.  Look to me for your affirmation, because I am proud of you.  I love you."

Isn’t that awesome? Now, I know I typed those words, but I believe God was speaking to me as I journaled what God was planting in my mind.  

My message to you - never apologize for working on your ideas.  Never apologize for who you are.  Know who you are.  Realize that God, the Father made you with intention to be unique, to think, to create, to be different.  

Don’t compare yourself with other people.  Learn to appreciate other people’s ideas and accomplishments.  Understand that every person has their own journey they are on.  Some are farther down the road than you are.  Rather than be discouraged by their success, be encouraged by knowing that their success started out as a “dumb idea”, a “dismissed concept” that nobody would ever buy in to.

Be courageous.  Be reckless.  Don’t wait to present your idea until it is processed or makes sense.  The polishing and refining comes later.  First comes the creativity.

Never apologize for your ideas.

As my kids will say in a funny voice around the house:

“You be You, Boo"

Better is Better

I love to make things better.  I love people who share my belief that Better is Better.

The legendary band, Spinal Tap shares my belief:

Hilarious! However, I love people who are always looking for a way to take their art and their work to the next level.  

You see, status quo does not inspire anyone.  Status quo is not noticed.  That’s because status quo is expected.  Don’t expect to get praised for “doing your job.” All you are really doing is meeting the minimum expectation.  Most employees expect some kind of pay raise for the next year just for doing their required job description.  However, only the employees who expand their network, grow their sales, and improve their effectiveness have any right to ask for a pay raise.  Better work - better pay.

Yet, when you attempt to make things better, don’t expect everyone to cheer you on.  If you are looking for people at work to roll out the red carpet for you, don’t hold your breath.  Many people truly prefer the status quo.  They like their system and their work rhythm just the way it is.  It is familiar, it is predictable, and it has become comfortable.  

Years ago, I was a Musical Director at a church.  The Pastor passed me in the hallway and mentioned “Matt, I ran in to a family in our church whose teenager attends a nearby school.  I wish we had a way of getting some of these students at this school engaged in our church.  Some of them are decent singers.  Maybe you could think of a way to reach out to them and use them in music somehow.”  I understood that he was not giving me a directive, but sharing a passing wish or suggestion.  

I already had a full plate at work - plenty of moving pieces and coming events I was already working toward.  But I saw this as an opportunity to meet a need for our church, to fulfill a desire that my Pastor had for this family.  My passion to make things better moved me to take action.  I immediately put a plan together blocking out time in my schedule to make this dream become a reality.  

I reached out to this family, I scouted out several students that were the singers of the nearby school.  I scheduled rehearsals, selected music and began arranging music.  I made rehearsal CDs for the students and then rehearsed with them.  On a Wednesday night church service, they performed.  Standing ovation! The Pastor LOVED IT! The kids were so happy for the opportunity to sing at the church.  “Matt, can you get these students to sing on a weekend church service?” asked the Pastor.  “Absolutely!” I answered.

So, I began arranging, rehearsing, planning.  I remember being in a planning meeting with the music and media staff talking through my plans for the students.  This time, I was going to add a Gospel Choir to sing back up with the Student Singers.  I had brass players and a full band.  I was going to make it even better!  I remember as I was casting the vision for this upcoming performance, some of the team members were sinking in their chairs.  When I told them “I have 7 students singing and have a Gospel Choir singing”, some said, “Matt, we don’t have that many microphones.  We already have so much work to do.  And besides, we really don’t do that kind of music here at the church.”  

“How many microphones do you have?” I asked.  “We only have 5”.  “Well, can you find 2 more?” “I’ll help you.” I replied.  

“We don’t know where we could possibly put the Choir if you also have 7 student singers” was their next block.  I responded, “Guys, it’s a very large platform.  Surely I can help you find a space for them.  We can think out of the box.  I promise you all that this will be awesome for our church - it will be worth it!"

I could tell I was going to have to pull the team along with me.  And while I understood that extra work costs them time and energy, I had strong belief that this performance was going to be worth the extra work - for all of us.  Well, it was worth it.  The students, the choir, the musicians, and our team all did a fantastic job.  People stood to their feet in appreciation.  The families of the students were thrilled.  Our church experienced a performance they had never experienced before.  We had built a stronger relationship now with the nearby school, with many of those students starting to attend our church.  

When you have a dream, protect it.  When you see an opportunity, seize it.  Don’t rely on others to see it.  Don’t wait for people to encourage you.

You drive it forward - 

You keep pushing through the obstacles -   

A great quote is from the former British Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, who was given the nickname by her opposition political party:
“the Iron Lady.”  She said:

Consensus is the absence of Leadership

What she is really saying is that when you step out to lead people to something new and better, not everyone is going to agree with you.  She is telling us not to wait for everyone to understand or to buy in to your dream before you begin to move forward and take action.

Pastor Tom Mullins, Founding Pastor of Christ Fellowship in South Florida says:

Excellence honors God and inspires others 

Excellence is noticed when you go the second mile, when you do more than what is expected or required.  Excellence is giving your best even if it costs you more work and more energy.

Make Things Better - You will stand above the rest