Let's Play Catch

Splish! Splash! My kids were trying to see who could make the biggest kaboom by doing cannonballs in our neighborhood pool.  A few parents and I lounged around the pool growing tired as the day came to a close.  Dusk is one of my favorite parts of the day.  All of the neighborhood kids were having a great time playing in the pool together.

One family particularly caught my attention.  A mom and her 6 year old boy entered the pool gate together.  As soon as they found a patio table and chairs to set down their belongings, the boy leaped into the pool, jumping in as far as he could.  As soon the boy came up out of the water, the mom threw a hand ball to him.  The boy instinctively caught the ball in the air and threw it right back to his mom.  Without one word spoken, the mom and boy began to play catch.  I could tell that they do this a lot - they were catching some tough throws.  It reminded me of a golden retriever and his master playing catch in the park.

I realized that the mom had found a point of connection with her son.

He was an active boy, but maybe not a social one.  Not talkative.  He thrived on physical activity.  I have seen some 6 year olds who are still conjuring up the courage to swim alone.  They want to stay close to their parents.  I've seen other kids who don't care to go swimming at all.  They prefer to play with their ipod or their game boy.  Other kids are loud - you always know where they are because they are the loudest voice of the group.

This mom had paid attention to the unique personality and make up of her son, and she had learned to adapt to what his needs were.  I don't know if this mom was just without her husband, or if she was divorced.  I don't know if the boy had a good relationship with his dad.  I don't even know if the boy had even met his dad before.  What I did see were smiles on their faces and a sense of enjoyment and peace between them.  The mom had learned what made her son tick, and she connected with him on that level.

This touched me deeply.  

Every child is different - uniquely formed by God - for a unique purpose for Him.  Children need love. They need acceptance.  Before they need coaching and correction, they first need to feel secure.  They find that through intimate connection with their parents.  Most of us who are parents struggle to find that connection with our kids.  Many times, it is hit or miss.  We think that if we make Christmas and birthday huge, that we have met all of their desires.  After all, when we ask them what they want, they tell us TOYS! (Actually now, it's ipods and expensive stuff :))

However, what they are looking for is a way to communicate and connect with us on a deeper, more instinctive level.  For some, it's playing sports and games together.  For others, it's trips with you to the mall or the hardware store - they learn from you as they are with you.  For some, it's time with mom cooking in the kitchen or time with dad out mowing the lawn (to you it's work - to them, it's a joy.) Most kids LOVE when you put them to bed and tell them a story, ask them about their day, and share some kind words of affirmation and encouragement.  (My kids STILL like me to lay by them every night!)

Your child has a certain way they connect - based on their unique personality.  They NEED connection with you.  The best gift you can give your children is your time and your undivided attention.

Start playing catch with your child.  If you find they are not interested in that, try other things.  You will soon find something that you can do with them that builds a connection and puts a smile on their face - and your face :)

 

Reach Higher

Most people stop dreaming, stop growing and stop reaching at some point in their life.  It may be that they reached a certain point of success and grew comfortable with what became familiar to them.  Or, it may be that they tried something new and failed miserably.  So, they lost the will or confidence to try again.  There are some who have never even dared to think beyond their current reality.  It could be that they were discouraged or intimidated by family or friends early in life.  Tragically, they have accepted their life to be reduced to surviving and enduring.

Whatever group you associate with, you may be at a place where you have plateaued.  You are  managing the same routine.  Everything in your week is predictable.  No surprises. You look forward to when the day ends and you can go home to a hot dinner.  The most exciting event in your week is when the new tv series comes on Thursdays at 8 PM.  This is NOT all that life has to offer.

Real living begins with the chase.  Adventure is found on the journey.  Boundaries are discovered by testing the limits.

Are you living?


If you feel uncomfortable by this challenge, then I am glad.  :)

For me, I know that I need a gentle jolt and a tender tug from others every once in a while to help me break out of a rut and think riskier.  Most of the time, I don't self-initiate this kind of thinking for myself.-and I definitely don't naturally want to push myself to "attack" life in this manner.  Self discipline can be hard for me, especially in the weak areas of my life.

I need a coach.


When I was in school, I had all kinds of coaches.  School teachers, athletic coaches, piano teachers, youth pastors, parents, guidance counselors.  I had role models that I looked up to.  I had older people who took an interest in me.  Some of these coaches I loved.  Some I did not like.  At the time, I thought that they pushed me too hard, or demanded too much.  All of them shaped my life.  From some, I learned character, commitment, and how to treat people.  From others, I learned that I had more in me than I thought.  From some, I learned WHAT NOT TO DO - these were invaluable lessons for me, as I would learn to avoid their mistakes and weaknesses.

In my current stage of life, I have assumed the role of coach and mentor for so many.  However, I am so keenly aware of the need for continual coaching in my own life.  The more I learn, the more I realize  I DO NOT know.  I see the need to find others who will coach me.  Those who will encourage me and also (and more importantly) correct me, challenge me, evaluate me, and hold me accountable to my mission and objectives.

One discipline that I have developed is self-coaching: reading and studying every day.  Taking classes and being in growth programs.  I have learned to journal, to reflect, to ask good questions.  I have learned to pray differently and to memorize scripture and good quotes.  I have learned to dedicate more time to preparing for every event, meeting, and speaking engagement I have scheduled.  However, there is nothing that replaces having a coach who will speak truth and will give you honest observations from their perspective.

If you are at a plateau, and you want to reach higher for your dreams, start with inviting a few trusted people to speak into your life.  Before you meet with them, develop a few honest questions to ask them about yourself.  Prepare yourself emotionally to be open and receptive.  Humble yourself...but also encourage yourself.  Believe me - you're going to need it!  Let me in encourage you - the process is worth it! Embrace it.  Thank the people for their investment.  Give yourself permission to process through all of these new thoughts and perspectives.  Be pliable and unguarded.  Admit that you have some things that are broken or unfinshed.  Know that God wants to do something fresh and beautiful in your life.

Your best days are not behind you! Your future is bright!

Reach Higher -

Matt

Lead through Influence

It is human nature to strive for position.  We think it will fulfill our need for recognition and significance.  We are convinced that we cannot truly accomplish something until we are given full authority.  By having the official title, we think people will then listen to us and follow our lead.

In striving for position, we focus our energy on getting promoted.  We try to make a good impression on the top leader by building a relationship with them and also by showing that we can get things done.  In order to do that, we sometimes bypass or ignore the people working around us.  By the time the position finally comes, we then wonder why people won't respond to our leadership.  We have not taken the time to nurture those relationships and earn their trust. 

I look back in my first years as a young leader making these mistakes.  My motives were well-intended.  I am a passionate, driven person that wants to accomplish great things.  I feel a sense of expectation on my life as I have had people invest in me.   Growing up, I was inspired by leaders who were charismatic and driven, and I wanted to model them.

The angle of position that I could not see being in the audience were the responsibilities attached to it. When you are given position, a group of people are suddenly putting their trust in you - in fact, they are loaning you their trust for a time.  These people automatically have great expectations of you (hopefully clearly stated....but usually not.) They expect you to care about what is important to them.  They expect you to fix problems, especially people problems.

What I soon found out with position is: 

With authority comes much responsibility

The leader is  responsible for the success of the organization.  The leader is responsible both for the big events and for the small details.  The leader is responsible for coming up with the vision AND making sure everyone knows and can communicate the vision.  The leader must work the hardest, have the greatest faith, always display maturity, have the best attitude, and sacrifice the most.

Here is what I have learned:

First lead by influence

Don't wait for a position before you begin - make an impact today.  Start leading today.  The great thing about not yet having a position is that you can "lead" through influence, without carrying all of the responsibility.  Right now, you can experiment and take some risks without fearing the consequences of failure or disappointing people.  After all, you shouldn't seek position anyway.  People dislike hierarchy and entitlement attitude.   However, people are inspired by individuals who are passionate, authentic and who show courage by taking initiative.  In fact, I think the best way a person can lead is by not saying one word - no speech.  They simply begin doing what they feel called to do, what they are passionate about.  Others watch, and some eventually start to follow.  

Conclusion: we certainly need great people in leadership positions.  But wise leaders learn quickly that leading through influence is much stronger than leading by title and authority. 

Challenge: Begin leading by working the hardest, showing commitment, going above and beyond.  Serve others on your team and help promote them.  When the time is right, step out and take a risk.  Go first.  Be courageous.  Then, watch others slowly begin to join you.  If your vision is clear and it takes everyone to a better place, people will begin to follow.

Who said leadership is lonely? :)

Vision Drives me

I read some wonderful words this morning from John Maxwell's devotional, A Leader's Heart that inspired me.  He said this:

"One of the most valuable benefits of vision is that it acts like a magnet-attracting, challenging, and uniting people.  The greater the vision, the more winners it has the potential to attract.  The more challenging the vision, the harder the participants fight to achieve it."

Wow.  That is mind blowing to me.  When I think of getting people on board to follow a vision or to serve with me, I try to make it easy for them -  the path of least resistance.  People are busy, burdened and distracted.  If I stand a chance at catching them, it's going to be because I made it simple and accessible for them.

However, a tested leader and author challenges my thinking.  He suggests otherwise.

People are attracted to greatness.  They are inspired by a vision which calls them up to something big and meaningful.  When they see a vision of what could be, they are willing to commit themselves fully and sacrifice much.

Not everyone will answer the call.  Not all will get in line and enlist.  Many will wait and watch.  Others will mock - that's the easy thing to do.

The author, Maxwell says that one attribute of a vision that others can buy into is that "it meets the needs of others." In other words, the vision is more than just about the leader.  It's about helping people and making life better for others.

For me, this reinforces the power of vision.  Busy, overwhelmed people will sign up for a vision that they can see, hope for, and benefit from.  People want to be part of something bigger than themselves,  a legacy that spans beyond the here and now.  Quality people count it an honor to sacrifice for something meaningful.

As I reflect on the vision that drives me, I go back to a clear calling in my life to lead a pioneering work for Christ Fellowship in Martin County.  My vision is:

To bring the mission and impact of Christ Fellowship to Martin County.  The mission of Christ Fellowship is: to impact our world with the love and message of Jesus; everyone, everyday, everywhere.

That is my passion.  That still gets me up in the morning.  That keeps me doing the hard things and leading from the front.

To accomplish that, I need:

• Personal growth (Integrity, Character, skills, insight)
• People who will join me - commitment, leadership, complimentary skill sets
• Resources - facilities, finances, tools
• Wisdom (from God and from wise counselors)
• Preparation - networking within Martin County, strategy, communication to team, evaluation so we can improve and become more effective
• Focus (requires pruning and prioritizing)
• Energy (requires health and honoring the Sabbath)

Palm Sunday, 2013 at South Fork High School

My family worshipping and leading, beside me and behind me

So, let me challenge you to answer the vision question for yourself.

• What is your vision?
• Is it bigger than you?
• Does it span beyond just the here and now?
• Does it benefit others?
• What will you need to do in order to accomplish your vision?

Take a moment to search your heart.   Draw from your past and your life.  Seek the heart of God and allow Him to reveal His great purpose and vision for your life.  He is waiting to show You a great vision of what could be!

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart.  Lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct Your path.

Hiding Place

I've started journaling as a way to better articulate my prayers to God.  It has really helped me to clarify my feelings and my desires.  Journaling is also a great point of accountability for me by keeping me focused and on track in my devotional time.

I won't always blog my prayers, but just felt like putting this out there for anyone who may feel the same.  My purpose in sharing is simply to be a help to somebody who may also struggle with articulating what they are feeling.

I have always longed to escape away to retreat to a special place - to travel by myself to an exclusive hiding place, where I can hid in safety, in stillness, .... in quiet.

No one is looking for me.  No one waiting on me.  It's as if time stands still.

There is no rush.  No need to summarize.  There is time to feel, a place to express, an opportunity to create.

You are there, My God.  You are listening.

You are present - making Yourself available.

Nothing surprises You, Father - nothing makes You wonder.

"Ask Me, and it shall be given to you.  Seek, and you shall find.  Knock, and the door will be open to you."

Matt Pilot